*ED trigger warning
I’m sharing some of my experiences, not because I am brave, but because I never would have started this journey unless others had so openly shared theirs. The more stories you hear, the more you might be able to see yourself in these stories, and seek a diagnosis.
How did I know? The truth is I didn’t. Not until a few months ago. I can’t remember exactly, but I was at home sitting on the couch in Australia, Sammy had gone out to get us some lunch. Velzy was maybe eight weeks old. Maybe not even. I was on Facebook and a test came up to check if you have ADHD. I’m not sure why it was showing me this. Did AI know, based on my habits? The newborn bubble is a sleepy blur. I scored moderate to high for ADHD on that test. I tentatively told Sammy.
Doesn’t everyone forget things? Doesn’t everyone lose things?
He didn’t understand ADHD. I didn’t either.
I started to do some more research. Holy shit.
I don’t know how I feel in this moment. A little let down, how was this not picked up when I was little? 13 years of schooling. A private girls school. University. Not sure if I feel relived, ashamed, embarrassed. A little detached in this moment. So much of what I thought was my personality, is ADHD. Who am I, really? Do I want to try meditation? Will it help? Should I wait a while? Will I be a different person, a better person?
(*Yes, I have very poor spelling. Auto correct doesn’t always pick up what on earth I’m trying to say. Relieved…medication…Although I’m sure meditation could be very helpful).
I think I just feel sad. I don’t feel like talking. Just taking some deep breaths. Going home and giving the cubs big cuddles. We will talk more about dyslexia at our next session. I understand I’m most likely dyslexic too, everything is starting to make sense. We are also testing for dyscalculia. No wonder I felt broken.
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Moderate innatentive ADHD. Moderate, because I can still work, I finished school, I finished university, I have kept a long term relationship. Started businesses. I’m a good mother. But I started dating Sammy at 19. And before